My friend spent two years in jail, and was under house arrest for another year after his release. He now lives in Hickville, USA taking care of his ailing father, while trying to finish up college to earn a business degree, as well as working nearly full time to assist his parents with their bills. He has had a hell of a time lately keeping a job though, since the moment employers find out what he was incarcerated for, he is instantly deemed a pariah and fired on the spot. He has lost several jobs this way, has had to find interesting ways to gloss over several years of his life when making conversation with other students and professors, and has to constantly deal with the effects of his jail sentence and subsequent status...which is *rapist*.
Hold on to the image you just got in your head about my friend. Young male, labeled by our laws and government as a sex offender who had to serve time for his criminal act. I have no doubt that the image you see is is not a pretty one. Perhaps some old guy feeding off the flower of young, impressionable virgins. Perhaps some guy who has raped women in back alleys. Whatever you envision, it is nothing like what you would think if you heard a female was a rapist or sex offender. I'd bet my life on that. This is what I see in the media and social reactions to statutory rape:
- Men are seen as predatory villains who have stolen the innocence of a helpless victim.
- Women are applauded for getting some young ass, and men everywhere are wondering "why didn't I ever have a teacher that fine hittin' on me when I was living with a 24-hour erection?"
- Men are sent to jail for up to 10 years and are forever listed as a sexual predator.
- Women use plenty of snazzy defenses to show why she was so 'confused' and 'misunderstood' and would 'never make that mistake again'...and they WIN.
- Men are released from prison, stripped of their license, live as outcasts in their community or move to a new city and pray no one recognizes them.
- Women get a book deal, and their stories are told in a movie of the week on Lifetime for Women and are supported by friends and family for what she has 'endured'.
The over-sexed teacher population is one of two examples on how there is an egregious difference in how we treat and view people who make mistakes regarding sex. If you are going to ruin a man's life for having sex with a minor, you damn well better do the same to a woman. There should be no difference in jail time, or social perception, but obviously there is, and it is complete bullshit. We view it as: a man is supposed to have absolute, total and constant control over his impulses, and if he dares to slip even once, then he must be severely punished because girls are frail and easily scarred for life and this traumatic event must certainly mean years of therapy and bad relationships with future men. We see the woman perpetrator as "Mrs. Robinson", sweetly and seductively taking this young boy into manhood, showing him the beauty and grace of human sexuality while leaving him with a wistful memory that he will surely cherish in 80 years as he withers away in a nursing home.
In my friends situation, he made a stupid fucking mistake. He was in his early 20's and was having a party at his house. He said it was a great party, tons of people, tons of liquor, loud music and hot sweaty sex going on in various rooms. Wish I had been there! One of the chicks that was there had been at other parties, hung out with some of his friends, and she was hitting on my friend HARD. From what he tells me, she had a pretty fine physique and looked mighty good that night. She was on him for hours, talking, suggesting, flashing smiles, leaning in at just the right angle to allow him optimal cleavage enjoyment, touches, kisses and leg rubs. Two young, moderately intoxicated, attractive people....you can guess what happened. She made her moves and they had a night of bliss. Well, it was probably more like sloppy drunken sex with a lot of slurring and falling all over each other, but hey, who can complain?
The next day, officer friendly shows up at my friends apartment and says "you're under arrest". As his brain is starting to melt and every organ in his body threatens to shut down or implode, he stammers out "huh? what? why? what'd I do?". The policeman looks at him with disgust and says with a fixed mask of anger "for fucking a minor". My friends eyes grow wide as saucers, instantly losing all color in his face, the very blood in his veins seeming to shrivel and die, all the while, he scans his mind for an explanation. This is a joke right? Surely it is a joke. I don't hang out with kids. What the fuck is happening to me??? And the cuffs are slapped on tight...
He finds out at the police station that the lil' minx he nailed has a brother. A very angry brother who also happens to hate my friend. Apparently, the two had some altercations in the past. The angry brother was looking for any way to get back at my friend, and when his trampy little sister opened the door to full legal recourse, well, he just stepped on through. Angry brother was all too happy to inform the police that my friend had committed statutory rape, as his sister was only 14 years old.
My friend had no fucking clue. Of course he knew she was young, probably in the 17-18 year old range. The simple fact is, they were at a party, they were drinking, she wanted to get laid, and so did he. Happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. He didn't coerce her, he didn't throw her down on the bed kicking and screaming NO. They just had sex. But as far as the law is concerned, he committed statutory rape of a minor, and he was going to prison. Period. He was being sent to a facility that houses murderers, brutal rapists, armed robbers and more....cuz he got laid.
He went to court and plead his case, but saying you didn't know that someone was under age is not a viable defense. The judge couldn't care less. Even though the girl got up and testified that she lead him to believe she was older than she was, that she wore clothing and makeup to purposely appear older, that she in fact, pursued him and it was completely consensual, the judge couldn't care less. The law was the law and my friend was going to prison.
What a fucking joke.
Men take the heat way too much whenever a woman feels like flaunting her shit. If a 23 year old woman had sex with what she thought was an 18 year old boy, no one would want to stone her in public screaming "rapist!" Sure, if someone was angry enough about it to report it to the police, she would have to make the rounds in the legal system, but she would at least have RECOURSE. She can use every excuse in the book to garner sympathy and forgiveness, and she would GET IT. She would be pitied. But the same thing happens to a man? Well then it is all about following the letter of the law, no excuses, no exceptions.
I personally think it is idiotic to make a person go to jail for having consensual sex. Don't tell me a 15 year old boy can't make decisions on whether he wants to get some hot, older chick ass. That's my personal belief, and many would disagree. I wish it weren't such a stringent law, and I sure as hell wish there were a way to differentiate between honest to god against your will rape, and people in the wrong age bracket gettin' it on. My friend is registered as a rapist. When you go online and search the sex offender database, you will see his prison photo right next to the guy that has made it his life's mission to brutalize women. He doesn't get to put up a disclaimer that says "wait! this is what actually happened!"
And what about the 14 year old that essentially ruined my friends life? What happens to her? Nothing. She can lie, manipulate, and seduce, but my friend has to suffer HER consequences. Why is there no penalty for her? She took someone's life into her hands, wreaked havoc, and skipped away. She will never have to worry about background checks, or new friends finding out your criminal status. She will never have to register in every county you ever live in for the rest of your LIFE as a sex offender....she just gets to forget it ever happened. Just another silly thing she did when she was young and stupid!
How can you put all of the culpability on men? How come men suffer much more dire consequences than women? How are all of these females avoiding prosecution by smiling pretty and claiming 'emotional hardship' as the reason she decided to fuck a teenager?
How come these little sluts aren't in jail?
The saddest part of all of this is my friend is a fantastic guy. He is the reason I met my husband in the first place. He was the first person I called and told, after two weeks of dating, that I was head over heels in love. He was so happy for me he was practically in tears. He said nothing could make him happier than to see two of his best friends together. My husband and I asked him if he would get ordained so he could be the one to marry us - and he did. He is the kind of guy that would drop his entire life, jump in a car and drive 15 hours straight if I needed help. He is the kind of guy that ADORES women...he loves their intellect, their beauty, their charm, their grace. He has always been a great admirer of the fairer sex and has always treated them with respect and honesty. He is doing everything he can now to get his life back in order, get a degree, be a great son and repay his parents for all of the expense and heartache this ordeal has caused. Once you are a friend of his, you are a friend for life. You could lose touch for 10 years, but that wouldn't change anything once you re-connected, it'd be as if not a day went by.
The people that didn't know him pre-incarceration will never see that. If he doesn't have a chance to explain what happened, all they will see once they know about his record, is that he is a rapist. All because some little bitch gets to do whatever see feels like without any consequences...JUST BECAUSE she is a female. I feel terrible for guys these days...they really get a raw fucking deal.
1 comment:
Great work.
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